girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
