Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
