can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
