the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
