i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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