we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
