i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
