he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
