I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
