i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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