You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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