I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
