I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
