Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
