there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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