I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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