After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
