So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
