his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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