I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
