he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
