can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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