I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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