She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
