I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
