i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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