And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have feelings that need drinking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
