i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
