Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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