if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
