no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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