I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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