Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
