Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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