i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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