Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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