He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
