I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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