??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
