i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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