Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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