This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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