u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
