i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
