when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
