thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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