I just found puke in my bra..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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