evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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