he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
