just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
