Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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