oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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